Wednesday, October 18, 2006

This Post is Dedicated to the One I Love

Moving on from my emotional post of the other day, I am so appreciative of the eye-opening advice I received. It is so true that our parents did not play with us, nor did they feel it was their responsibility to be our playmate. Mine did not make a schedule for me each weekend, and I was pretty much expected to play on my own or with friends, and up in my room. However, I do know that I grew up in a neighborhood of other kids, so I usually had someone to pal around with anyway. I think part of my guilt stems from the fact that we don't live in a family-oriented neighborhood for CJ to make friends, and I feel that was something Dave and I failed to plan for when we decided to have kids. The only remedy to that is to save money and try to buy a house in a better neighborhood, and that's our 18 month plan right now. I mean, it's always been our plan since we moved to Ohio, it's just getting closer to be a reality for us than what we once thought. And don't get me wrong, I do currently provide a fairly nice and small roof over my kids' heads, so it's not like we live in poverty, and my kids are well fed, clothed, and CJ goes to a really nice and expensive pre-school. So I know all this guilt might be my own doing, and more than one of the older ladies I work with told me not to sweat it because whatever you do you will scar your kids anyway. They do remind me though that this time with him will go by so fast, so do try to make time with him, and when he wants to play with you, just remember that in a few short years he will NOT want to play with you and I will wonder what happened to all the time. And I do know that, but I guess just somedays the whole day-to-day operation of the household gets in my way of recognizing that.

And tomorrow is surgery day again. Here we go for another round of our trek to Children's Hospital, hoping this time CJ won't catch an allergy in his eye and put the kabash on the whole thing again. We kept him home from school today as further preparation for tomorrow, too. CJ has had some behavioral issues lately that I think are stemming from this whole issue with his eyes, so I'm going to be glad when the whole thing is over. A little nervous on what to expect during the post-surgery phase, since I've heard everything from possibilities of extreme nausea to mild fatigue and no nausea.

In closing, I know we are all overwhelmed by motherhood. I know I am not the only one out there struggling with all the guilt, the fatigue, and the uncertainty. I love CJ so much with all my heart. He's my first born, and has unfortunately had to be me and Dave's "practice baby". Andrew has been spoiled with all our parental knowledge. CJ has been through a lot with me and Dave, moved 3 times in his little short life, and has adapted to all the adversity quite well. Maybe it's me that needs to be sit back and take a deep breath. I hate that I complain, because I truly am so blessed.


Blogger Kathy McC said...

I will be thinking of you and CJ tomorrow. Hope all goes well.

3:12 PM


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