So recently I've been inspired again to take fingers to keyboard and start blogging again. I have better technology and convenience for posting than I did a year ago, so hoping it will be easier this time around. Of course there's still that tricky thing called "time" that has not been improved upon, but I suppose it's all about making time, right?
Anyway, after a year, the kids are getting bigger, work still has its ups and downs, and I'm currently developing an online store with my paper/stationery collection in hopes that one day it will get me out of the corporate world. More to come on that.
Not sure what to pick up with after almost a whole year off. I guess it will come to me, and I can post about that next time. For now, it's off to the pool with the kids to cool off on a hot day in the summertime.
Life this year seems to have been a whirlwind. Like I mentioned a few weeks back, before I knew it, I hadn’t blogged in over 3 months. Now today, it has occurred to me that I’ve drifted back into old ways and haven’t blogged now in over 2 weeks. Shame on me. But… truth is, I have to be realistic and question just how much time I have to devote to it. I can write on my own blog, but then when I’m not reading other blogs and commenting it just becomes another form of a journal, and then what’s stopping me from just writing in an “off-line” version of that, if my sole point is to document my life. And that’s kind of why I started blogging in the first place – the document life as a mom, which then led me into a world of other mommy bloggers who had similar problems and it became very comfortable to know that other chicks in Minnesota, Maryland and Massachusetts were all going through the same things as me. I guess it’s all part of that “pack mentality” or something that comforts us all. Who knows. I’m not a psychology major. But anyway, why do I blog? I don’t know. Does anyone?
I’m unable to meet the challenge proposed to me by the infamous Mayberry Mom. Sorry Mayberry! And while her writing challenge is exuberating, it is equally exhausting. Honestly, I’m on a constant stream of high energy brain power during the day at work that I have nothing left. I’m tapped out. And I know some women can do it, but I can’t. And I’m not ashamed of it. I have a new job at work that demands much of my creativity on a daily basis. And that’s all I can say about work. I can’t afford to get Dooced.
On to another subject that I last wrote about: the queen of mean. It seemed to stir up lots of opinions apparent by the commenting, and I love that everyone had such a passionate view of the situation. I really appreciated everyone’s advice. Well, I have a final chapter to end the story. To make a very long story short, last week I heard first hand that not only was Diana telling CJ that he couldn’t play at her house, but that she was telling him in front of all the other neighborhood kids that he couldn’t play at their houses either. So from queen of mean to a total dictatorship. You know, typical bully horseshit. So I didn’t react to it, I didn’t forbid him from going down. We just didn’t go down. At all. Anymore. And CJ hasn’t requested to go play with that group of kids anymore. So it seemed to have worked itself out. A little. Although internally I was still pissed about the whole situation as it seemed so unfortunate to be learning these facts about life at such a young age. I don’t recall having to deal with the bully stuff until I was about 8 or 9. Good news is that he has recently befriended a new kid that just moved in a couple weeks ago to the house that butts up to our backyard. So they have been climbing the fence back and forth to play. His name is Tyler. And he’s all boy and all about destruction. But I would have to say this is the better of 2 evils after what happened this summer. So I’ll live with destructo-boy.
But what’s interesting about the final chapter of this whole Diana thing is that I did get some closure with the parents. Last week while I was playing with the kids in the front yard, her father approached me and mentioned that they hadn’t seen CJ playing down at their house anymore, and wondered if he had offended me by not checking up on CJ after his accident on their treadmill. He apologized for that, and I acknowledged that, but indicated it really wasn’t because of that that CJ wasn’t playing at his house anymore. And then I proceeded to tell him everything Diana had been saying to him lately. He was visibly upset and apologized for it all. He is definitely a nice person, so is her mother, and I really don’t fault them completely for what is going on with her daughter. Because as I learned from him, all this goes back to the old saying, “shit rolls downhill.” He told me that Diana is getting teased by some girl, Eva, up the street and getting excluded from playing with her and another girl. It also became known to me that Diana told him that there is another kid on the block, named Mitchell, who is teasing CJ, too. So it’s not only Diana who is the culprit in calling him “repeating boy”, etc. Well, I thanked him for approaching me, which I think was big of him to do, and we parted with him letting me know that he would be talking to her about what she was saying. I’ve come to the conclusion to just let it lie and reflect on what we can learn about this situation. I never expected to have to deal with this so early on, but I guess you never know when these things will happen as a parent. But truth is, I felt ill-prepared for a proper reaction. It’s true when they say your first kid really is the “test baby.” I guess when all this happens to his younger brother, I’ll know what to do. This is when it seems to be getting harder as a parent, and toilet training seems like the good ol' days.
So thanks everyone for the feedback from the last post. I have a few responses to them. CTD and Heather mentioned that it might make Diana more appealing to play with if we forbid him to. As I understand the logic behind this, I think that happens more in the teenage world of parenting. I totally understand what you guys are saying, because my mom did it to me, too when she would try to make me stray from the so-called “bad crowd”, but that was when I was a teenager. As for protecting him from the ridicule of a 6 year old, OK, perhaps forbidding him to see her is a little more than his brain can handle. And yes, while he may seem less bothered by it than I do, because it's not like he's marched home crying about any of this, what I failed to mention is that on and off this summer CJ had been walking around with a vague sadness, that I wonder now had been related to what had been happening with this girl. Remember, whatever CJ has told me is all I know, I’m sure there have been plenty of other things she has said to him that he failed to mention. So as for forbidding him to play with her, I relent, and admit perhaps that was a harsher reaction than necessary, so I haven’t mentioned it again. The tactic is to try and keep him busy enough with things in his spare time to avoid the opportunity of going up the street anyway. So far it has worked as we spent most of the weekend on the go to festivals, birthday parties, a sleepover at his cousin’s, and the last day of the pool. And now school is officially in full swing, so hopefully this may all work itself out anyway. So maybe it’s time we put this subject to bed both on this blog and at home.
But before I do, I still feel strongly about defending myself on one point, though. When someone tells your 5 year old child that they don’t like them, don’t want to play with them, then take a measuring stick out of the garage and tell him in front of the other kids on the block that he is too little to play with them, how else would a person react? Do you really remain neutral? I don’t know. I think there’s the visceral reaction coming into play here that must continually be repressed when parenting.
So, on to other bright topics. We had a great holiday weekend – did lots of stuff and kept ourselves very busy. I was cruising along well doped up on Vicatin. Yes, Vicatin. No, neighborhood tribulations have not led me into drugs, I pinched a nerve in my neck sometime a week or so ago. I do this sometimes, and more or less it goes away with some Tylenol and massage. To no avail, this time around. So I called up the doctor, which I totally hate to do, and got a prescription for steroids and Vicatin. I would recommend Vicatin for any ailment, as it has become my new favorite pain reliever of choice! Not just for pains in the neck, but for tolerating aggravating human behaviors, too!
So the neck pain is alleviating, although I think the source of the recurring pain is my non-ergonomically correct posture and position of my computer at work. I use 2 computers at work --- a PC and a Mac --- and they are beside each other. Going back and forth between them sometimes on busy days I think strains my muscles in my right arm, leading up to the muscles in my neck. Because my right arm muscles feel very sore, too. So I’m using the mouse today with my left hand.
The Queen of Mean Part II (and I don't mean Leona Helmsley, RIP)
OK, I’ve had it with this queen of mean up the street from us. We’ve reached the final straw in my opinion and it pained me to have to take the necessary steps I did. I have forbid CJ to play with her from now on, and I’ll tell you why.
We haven’t been encouraging them to play together lately due to the collection of incidents that have happened. And they haven’t really played much together anyway. But late yesterday afternoon there was a group of kids congregating at her house playing in her front yard and of course, he asks, “Can I go to Diana’s?” Well it’s been quiet the past week as far as drama, so I figured it was safe for maybe 30-60 minutes of playtime. It was close to dinner time anyway so he wouldn’t be up there long. Dave and I told him he could not go into her house, and he was just to play out in front (which is where everyone was anyway).
So after about 45 minutes, Dave calls for him to come back home and have dinner. Later on, we were up in my room and the news was on, and there was a retrospective of Princess Diana, and CJ says, “Oh that’s just like my friend, Diana.” Then soon after that a string of disclosures come out of his mouth of what just transpired up the street at her house. He said she told him that she doesn’t like him anymore, that she doesn’t want to come to his house anymore, and she got a tape measure out of the garage and measured him and said that he was too little to play with them. There were other kids up at her house, so of course they witnessed this ridicule. Now if that wasn’t enough to rip the heart out of my chest, what he said next was even worse. After he told me all that she had said, (and at this point I’m really trying to play my emotions in front of him right) I told him that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea that he play with her anymore and that I didn’t want him going to her house anymore. Well, all hell broke loose, which is what I dreaded. You know what he said to me? He said, “But Diana is my friend. She was my friend when we first moved here. She was just playing with me, I was just kidding with you. She never said those things to me.” And when I insisted that it just wasn’t healthy for him to play with her, and how it can’t be any fun to be talked to that way, and that he’ll meet other kids from school who will be nicer, he just continued to cry and cry. It was the saddest thing to see. He’s really truly innocent and just oblivious to this girl’s manipulations. I don’t condone physical violence, but honestly, I wanted to march right up there and slap the shit out of that girl for how she’s damaged my son’s feelings. I totally realize that this is just the beginning of my son entering the big bad world, but it doesn’t make the sting any less painful. This was the last thing I thought we would encounter when we moved to the neighborhood. CJ was a very popular kid in preschool, and never, never had any of these issues with ANY kids before. My husband’s theory is that since she’s such a queen bee and likes to rule the roost of the block, that the other kids were playing with CJ too much and she got jealous and just wanted to get rid of him. Which I could see as somewhat true because I’ve seen him with the other kids and he doesn’t have those issues with them. CJ’s main goal in life is to have fun and play; I don’t think his brain is capable of strategy or manipulation. He’s a fun-loving, typical 5 year old. And I will de damned if some 6 year old Bad Seed is going to dampen that spirit or influence him. So I felt I had no choice but to tell him he couldn’t play up there anymore. Which was hard because a lot of the kids congregate up there. But the fact that she has now gone so far as saying that she doesn’t like him anymore, doesn’t want to come over anymore, and that he is too little to play with them (for the record—CJ is far from little, he’s as tall as she is and the tallest kid in his kindergarten class---in fact, that can sometimes work against him because people think he’s in 1st or 2nd grade already and wonder why he acts like he does) how can I possibly subject him to that? Is it all worth it just to be included in the group? I know short term his little brain can’t understand the complexity behind that, but I really believe I’m doing the right thing. I did make a point to thank him for telling me everything and for being honest, because I think making him feel like he can communicate with me is an important precursor to our future relationship.
Anyone else care to weigh in on the nonsense with this girl? I’m in a total fit about this today if you haven’t noticed.
Besides mastering the art of chic, as seen in the picture at left, Andrew displayed a unique talent last night while outside playing. It seems as though he’s discovered the ability to take off his diaper from underneath his clothes. And no, there was no poop.
Thanks to everyone for the encouraging words on behalf of my son in my last post. It’s stupid that I let a 6 year old girl inhabit so much of my brain during the day, but I can’t deny that she’s a throwback to particular girls of my youth that were nemeses of my day. I’m sure all this affects him much less than it has affected me, so I’m confident his self esteem is well intact. Today is his first official day in kindergarten and he was a little upset about things not being the same way as they were in preschool, but I’m sure after time he’ll adjust. Some of the children were crying yesterday at the open house, and he was nothing but eager to play with the other children. I don't think there is any time where he is not ready and eager to play. His teacher seems nice, albeit a little overwhelmed, and there was a fair share of running around and speaking up by a few loud kids. So, a typical kindergarten class---a little tears, a little sweat, a little running and a lot of talking. You know, mayhem.
As for the neighborhood, we’ve kept him near the house lately. He was a popular kid in preschool, so I’m sure all this nonsense with Diana has him totally confused. Let’s face it—he’s never been manipulated before. We had high hopes for him finding new friends once we moved to the new neighborhood and maybe we set the bar a little too high, which rubbed off on him. He’s been fairly protected most of his life in the shell of his own home since he didn’t go to daycare, so his emotions are raw and he’s very sensitive. We lived in a condo community where there were no kids and so this sort of neighborhood free play is a totally new concept to him. And he’s just outgoing and assumes the best in everyone. Like every 5 year old should be. So it’s like, welcome to the world---it sucks. We’ve moved on to better things like making fun of dad at the dinner table last night for being a professional wrestling fan and making up pretend matches in his basement when he was a kid. Nerd with a capital N.
My brother Paul and his family were in town this weekend and I stayed up way too late. Last I looked at the clock on Saturday night it was 3:30 in the morning. I think the last time I stayed up that late grunge was in style. I’m still dragging today, because as we all know with kids, I was not able to sleep in on Sunday morning. But it was well worth it. We had some more family over for a cookout, and a good time was had by all this past weekend. It was a great feeling hosting my first party in the new house. There was football being played in the backyard, hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill, drinks on the deck and meeting new neighbors. And we made vanilla ice cream with a new Ice Cream Maker, which is what the kids are doing in the picture at left. And then the next picture is of me and the baby in our pajamas the morning after.
So, after all this time off from writing, where do I start? I guess I’ll start with one subject that’s been most omnipresent this whole summer: CJ’s adaptation to the kids in the neighborhood. There is a girl up the street named, Diana, who is a year older than him. But, acts like she’s 10 years older than him. She bosses him around, and since CJ is a fairly bossy kid himself, they kind of butt heads. But outside of that, this girl is totally manipulative. She makes sure she is the ring leader on the street, and the kids all gravitate to her house. Why that is, I have no idea. On many occasions during the week, there are a menagerie of kids at her house ranging in ages from 5 to 12. It’s unfortunate that I’ve noticed when all the kids are together, Diana makes CJ the butt of the joke. Like the “new kid on the block”. At first, I thought Diana and her parents were great people, they really made us feel like a part of the neighborhood when we first moved in, and she seemed to be very nice to CJ. Her father is a local high school teacher, her mother a preschool teacher, and he’s also the neighborhood association president. Then CJ told me after much cajoling a few weeks ago that Diana had been calling him “repeating boy” because he has a speech issue where he sometimes whispers his words after he speaks them and he stutters sometimes. So after CJ confessed this to me, I’ve been trying to figure out a plan on how I can confront them about it. So, after much deliberation, we were up at their house one evening because the kids were all playing, and I mentioned to the mother that some kids in the neighborhood had been calling him “repeating boy”, but that he had refused to disclose who was calling him that. Well, sure enough, next day, Diana knocks on our door and apologizes to CJ for calling him names. So she must have ‘fessed up to her parents. Which was admirable. And that admiration lasted for a little while.
So back to the queen of mean we become. I am now officially discouraging playtime with this girl now for another reason. Last weekend, Diana came over to play with CJ. They wanted to paint, so I set up the table on the deck and she proceeded to make room for herself and not CJ. CJ was relegated to the floor of the deck. The table is 6 feet long. I quickly corrected her that they will need to share the table. Then after a while, after getting bored of paints, they were on the swingset in the backyard, and her father yells back to her that he is going to the store with her sisters (they have twin girls who are 6 days younger than Andrew) and so she is to stay here and play with CJ. He did not ask me to babysit, mind you, but I didn’t make a big deal out of it. I get him back later.
So after a while, of course she gets bored of our house as usual and wants to go up to her house, and without warning, gets on her bike and starts to ride up the street back home. We are quickly following her up the street and I tell her she has to stay with us as her Dad is not home (the mom was away for the weekend). She says she has to check on the dog, then she says she wants to see what Jacob is doing across the street, blah, blah, blah, and that her parents let her roam the neighborhood. Well, not on my watch. So back to my house we go, and a little while later the dad returns and she and CJ head back to her house. I followed them back up the street, and then the dad asks if I wanted a beer, so I stayed around and we chatted in the driveway as all the kids played. Mostly, things were fine and the kids got along pretty well. She asked CJ to stay for dinner and so the dad was left with all the kids as I went back home to hang out with Dave. I picked him up at 8:30. They seemed to be friends again.
The next day, last Sunday, CJ went back up to Diana’s to play. About an hour later, I heard him crying as he rode his bike back home as Diana followed. She was muttering something about telling your parents the truth, and I ran outside as he got to the driveway. His head above his right eye was covered in blood, as well as both his knees. She said he was playing with “it” and “it” started going very fast and he fell off of it. I first thought it was his bike, and CJ was so upset that there was little time for clarification before she sped off. After he calmed down and we bandaged him up, we figure out that it was not his bike, it was the parent’s treadmill he got on and somehow the button got pushed and went really fast and he fell off of it. Not sure who pushed the button to make it go fast. I would suspect Diana. CJ hasn’t seen a treadmill in all his life, so not sure if he would even know how to operate it to know what buttons to push.
So I understand kids get hurt, I get that. But here’s the irritating and difficult thing for me to understand. The parents never came down to see if he was all right. And then when I saw the father a few days ago on the sidewalk walking the twins, he saw CJ riding his bike and said, “I see ‘crash’ is OK.” “Crash?” After thinking about this, and observing these people, they are much more laid back and sarcastic than me. Dave and I are sensitive about our kids, and I’m chalking up his attitude to that. Other people that I have told the story to can’t believe the parents never came to see if he was all right. If it were me, I would feel totally responsible if a kid at my house got hurt. But that’s just me.
So we met some new neighbors this weekend. While we were having our party in the backyard on Saturday, there were kids playing in the backyard that butts up against ours. There’s a 7 year old friendly kid named, Tyler who let CJ play with him and the other kids. I picked him up over the fence and then met the father when it was time for him to come home. The queen of mean already got her claws into another new neighbor, a 7 year old girl, and practically ignored CJ when he saw the 2 girls playing together the other day.
I realize this is the first of many disappointments my son will feel in life, but no one wants to see their kids hurt. So if you’ve hung in with me so far by reading this post all the way through, thanks. My husband thinks I’m pondering all this way too much and that it’s rubbing off on CJ, and maybe he’s right in a way. I just know that he is so eager to meet some kids his age to play with, and perhaps he’s pulling on my heartstrings. Today's his last day of summer vacation. He starts kindergarten tomorrow. So more adventures to come, I suppose.
For those who have lasted through this post, here's your reward. This clip from MadTV is hysterical!
