Tuesday, October 24, 2006

"Where Does Mommy Keep The Diapers?"

I've neglected to mention the impressive ability of my husband to adopt his new role with great aplomb. Granted, he has been kind of a stay at home dad for quite some time, although he still worked part time for about 20 hours a week to escape the insanity for a little while. He worked at a marketing research firm on an hourly wage. And it wasn't much income but it was enough to sustain us in addition to mine, to pay the bills and eat. Now that life has changed, and he is home 24/7 I've noticed he has taken to his role positively. Admittedly, I was a little concerned with how well this role reversal would go, but I think we are both pleasantly surprised.

There is however, an emotion behind all this, that has been unexpected on my part. There is an element to this that has affected me, beyond anything I had planned for. Part of this has required me to "give up" some of the control I exhibited in the day to day operations of our home. I really can't be doing everything all the time, and so this has left me the inability to control the general order of the house even more than before. Let me get it straight, I have never had total control (and I use the word "control" loosely since we don't exactly have great order in our hosue), and nor do I want it, but I enjoyed still enjoyed making most of the decisions. Even the baby doesn't respond to me in the same way anymore, so now I'm preoccupied by the fact that the bond with my baby has been disrupted, and he favors his dad now instead of me. Every kid is supposed to favor their mom, right? What about all those hours of 2 am nursings - have they been quickly forgotten? I am jesting really, but maybe part of me isn't. I realize there are a ton of stay at home dads out there and I don't know how those moms have adapted to their newfound roles since I haven't done any extensive research on how role reversals can impact a relationship. What I do know, is that there's the mommy gene in me that needs to be the head of the household, but the reality is that I am not and never had been. That being said, how do I learn to give certain things up? Better yet, how do I learn to accept that Dave can do things just as well as me (as cocky as that sounds)? And in some instances, better?

3 Comments:

Blogger soccer mom in denial said...

Hang in there. There are brief moments when the kids favor their dad but usually its me they want. Just be honest with everyone that this is new/hard for you too.

7:51 PM

 
Blogger Christina said...

I can't imagine how hard that could be. When I quit to work part-time, I actually made more money than my husband, but we agreed that I wanted it more. Looking back, it was probably a dumb decision financially, and he would have been fine as the parent in charge, but I wasn't ready to let go at that point.

I think kids always know who mommy is, and while they may prefer dad sometimes, there are times when all they'll want is you.

11:08 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you don't look at it as giving something up you will see- I think that you will end up with different responsibilities. Both my children respond to both of us in different ways, and I see it changing daily. Just remember you are a wonderful parent-doing the best that you can for your family. Your children will always love you!

1:18 PM

 

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